Hey! Where's My Hotdog?
by joshdapimp0587
Summary: Wolverine gets hungry for hotdogs after his daily swim. R&R!!!
1. Where's My Hotdog?

Where's My Hotdog?  
  
Scene 1: By The Pool  
  
Wolverine was hungry. The X-Men had just finished their daily swim You know how you get hungry after you swim? Well, Wolverine had swum twice today. So that's double the hunger.  
  
Wolverine: I am so hungry. I could really go for some hotdogs right now!  
  
Gambit: A hotdog? Remy wanna go swimmin'!  
  
Rogue: Swimmin'? I'm with you, sugah!  
  
Beast: Logan is right. If the body doesn't get its physical needs, the molecular structure of-  
  
Wolverine: Shut up! Nobody cares! I want a hotdog!  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Nobody seems to understand her.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Still nobody understands.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Cyclops: OK, lets get hotdogs!  
  
Wolverine: All right, hotdogs!  
  
Psylocke: I could use another swim!  
  
Wolverine kills her. A guys gotta eat!  
  
Scene 2: The Road Trip  
  
Everyone arrives at the Blackbird. They get on board and fly to the nearest hotdog place.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Crickets chirping.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Wolverine: All right we're here!  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
The X-Men fly the Blackbird to the speaker in the drive through.  
  
Scene 3: The Order Wolverine rolls down the window. The speaker doesn't say anything. After a long period of silence.  
  
Wolverine: (in the drive through) Hello? Can you take my order?  
  
Speaker: BUZZ! Buzz! Gigewauts Chan!  
  
More yelling from the speaker. Lucy Liu leans over, her huge butt sticking out, and fixes the speaker.  
  
Wolverine: Um! Yeah we'll have two hotdogs with chili and cheese, two hotdogs with chili, and four more plain hotdogs. What do you guys want?  
  
Charlie's Angels are laughing in the backseat.  
  
Speaker: And then?  
  
Wolverine: What else guys?  
  
Rogue: Oh get two more with chili and cheese.  
  
Cyclops: Yeah and get a coke for me.  
  
Wolverine: Okay. We need two more hotdogs with chili and cheese and a coke.  
  
Speaker: And then?  
  
Gambit: Remy wanna coke.  
  
Rogue: I want a coke too.  
  
Wolverine: Yeah me too. (to the speaker) Uh. Make that four cokes.  
  
Speaker: And then?  
  
Wolverine: That's all we want.  
  
Speaker: And then?  
  
Wolverine: Um. That's it.  
  
Speaker: And then?  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Speaker: And then?  
  
Wolverine: No and then.  
  
Speaker: And then?  
  
Cyclops and Wolverine: NO AND THEN!  
  
Silence.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
More silence. More crickets. Speaker: And then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then, and then!  
  
Cyclops, Beast, Jean, Gambit, Rogue, Charlie's Angels, and the Resurrected Psylocke destroy the speaker. As the X-Men pull-up to the first window, Jean tries to point out that she is Phoenix. But nobody listens.  
  
Scene 4: The First Window  
  
Harry Potter: Hey X-Men, come play Quidditch with me!  
  
Cyclops: That's okay Harry.  
  
Harry Potter: Please? I got a new Firebolt today!  
  
Cyclops: No thanks. We're in line for hotdogs.  
  
Harry Potter: Just for a few minutes?  
  
Wolverine: No! You stupid, little BEEP BEEP BEEP so shut the BEEP up ok? I'm hungry and a little BEEP BEEP like you isn't gonna stop me from getting food.  
  
Psylocke: I wanna go swimming!  
  
Wolverine kills her. again.  
  
Harry Potter: Are you sure?  
  
He gets hit with a Bludger. He falls off the broom and dies.  
  
Wolverine: Yes!  
  
Harry Resurrects himself.  
  
Harry Potter: I'm okay!  
  
Wolverine: No!! He's okay. Let's go!  
  
The X-Men get out and beat the living crap out of Harry Potter. A bunch of Egyptians run by screaming "Immotep", Buffy slays a Vampire, Cats and Dogs try to kill each other and finally Harry is dead. Oh wait, that was after a raptor came by and set a trap. Oh my God they actually set a trap. Yep, the raptor set a trap. Yes, they set a trap. Shut up! We know the raptor set a trap. The X-Men look at Harry. He Resurrects himself.  
  
Harry: I AM HARRY!  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Harry and Jean fight.  
  
Jean: I AM-  
  
Harry: I AM-  
  
Both: WE ARE PHARRIX!  
  
They join together. But the X-Men already went to the second window.  
  
Scene 5: The Second Window  
  
Darth Vader: BREATHES.... BREATHES... Luke, I am your father!.. BREATHES  
  
Cyclops: Noooooo! (He wakes up) It was a dream. Good.  
  
Gambit: Remy is confused.  
  
Cyclops: I had a bad dream.  
  
Gambit: Did Cyclops dream Darth Vader was your father?  
  
Cyclops: Yes, how did you know?  
  
Gambit: Remy had da same dream!  
  
Beast: You know, I think I can recall images of the same innerthoughtuall stinsity. I have to look up what this means. Innerthoughtuallity is so tricky these days. A coincidence. We had the same innerthoughtuall stinsity. All a coincidence. If everyone had the same innerthoughtuall-  
  
Wolverine: Shut up! Nobody cares! And I had the same dream.  
  
Rogue: Me too! Oh mah God! What is that?  
  
She holds up a stick figure.  
  
Cyclops: Oh my God! It's the Blair Witch.  
  
Witch: I am going to get you.  
  
X-Men: Noooooooooooooo!  
  
Pharrix: WE ARE PHARRIX!  
  
The X-Men and the Witch fight. The Witch kills Cyclops. Next, the witch dies, but she accidentally kills the Harry side of Pharrix too.  
  
Jean smiles as she says.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Rogue and Gambit kill Jean. She comes back to life. They kill her again. She comes back to life again.  
  
Rogue: This is pointless.  
  
The Witch comes back to life.  
  
Witch: I AM WITCH!  
  
Harry comes back to life.  
  
Harry Potter: I AM HARRY!  
  
Psylocke comes back.  
  
Psylocke: I AM PSYLOCKE!  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Cyclops comes back.  
  
Cyclops: I AM CYCLOPS!  
  
They all merge together and say: WE ARE PHARRCLOPSLOCKITCH!  
  
Rogue: Oh my God!  
  
Pharrclopslockitch: Let's go swimming!  
  
Wolverine kills Pharrclopslockitch. The Blackbird drives away.  
  
Wolverine: Hey! Where's my hotdog?  
  
  
  
THE END! 


	2. How 'Bout Pizza? Part I

How 'Bout... Pizza?  
  
Scene 1: By The Pool... again...  
  
Wolverine hadn't eaten anything for the past day. All the X-Men ever wanted to do was swim. Yesterday, the X-Men tried to take Wolverine to get hotdogs. The mission failed thanks to a weird speaker, Harry Potter, Darth Vader, the Blair Witch, Jean constantly saying that she is, indeed, Phoenix, and the simultaneous combining of various X-Men. Oh yeah, the raptor also came by to set up a trap. They actually set a trap? YES! OK? We're not going through this again... Anyway, Wolverine finally got so hungry that he HAD to eat.  
  
Rogue jumps into the pool.  
  
Rogue: This is so much fun!  
  
Wolverine: Doesn't it get old? I swear, we swim all the time.  
  
Beast: Well actually, Logan, we only swim-  
  
Wolverine: Look, Beast, I really don't want to hear it!  
  
Psylocke: Come on Wolverine! Let's go swimming!  
  
Wolverine: No! I'm so hungry I could- wait a minute! I thought I killed you Psylocke...?  
  
Psylocke: Twice. But, hey, look at Jean.  
  
Wolverine looks at Jean. She is flying above the pool screaming that-  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Psylocke: She's died about four times. She's still ok.  
  
Wolverine kills Psylocke. She comes back.  
  
Psylocke: I AM PSYLOCKE.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Beast: So in conclusion, Logan, the...  
  
Wolverine: Excuse me a second,  
  
Wolverine turns from Psylocke to Beast.  
  
Wolverine: what are you babbling about?  
  
Beast: You said we swim all the time.  
  
Wolverine: That was like... ten minutes ago.  
  
Beast: Well it's a long answer.  
  
Wolverine kills him.  
  
Wolverine: All right everyone, let's go get some hotdog- NO! Uh... How 'Bout... Pizza?  
  
Psylocke: I AM PSYLOCKE!  
  
Wolverine kills her. AGAIN. Everyone gets out of the pool.  
  
Scene 2: Journey to Pizza Hut  
  
The X-Men get onto the Blackbird. Cyclops drives.  
  
Cyclops: Where are we going?  
  
Wolverine: Pizza Hut.  
  
Cyclops: Ok.  
  
The Blackbird leaves, and heads for Pizza Hut.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Wolverine: Stop it Jean!  
  
Rogue: Why do we keep her around? All she does is scream her name.  
  
Wolverine: I'll kill her.  
  
Wolverine kills Jean. She doesn't come back.  
  
Rogue: YES!  
  
Jean comes back.  
  
Jean: I AM DARK PHOENIX!  
  
Cyclops: Dammit, Jean! No you aren't!  
  
Wolverine, and Rogue kill her. She comes back.  
  
Jean: I AM PHOENIX!  
  
Gambit: Again?  
  
Wolverine, Rogue and Gambit kill Jean. She comes back.  
  
Jean: I AM MARVEL GIRL!  
  
Rogue: FINE!  
  
They leave her alone. The X-Men get to Pizza Hut.  
  
Scene 3: The Drive Through?  
  
Wolverine: Hey Scott, there's a drive through!  
  
Cyclops: Are you sure?  
  
Wolverine: Yeah, nothin' will happen like that again.  
  
Guess What? He Was Wrong.  
  
Scene 4: The Order  
  
Speaker: May I take your order?  
  
Wolverine: IT WORKS!  
  
Speaker: Hello?  
  
Cyclops: Yes we want- Jean: I AM MARVEL GIRL!  
  
Speaker: Uh... what was that?  
  
Cyclops: Nothing! We want a large pepperoni pizza.  
  
Harry Potter: I'm baaaaaaaaaaack! Give me a hug Logan!  
  
Wolverine: NO! Get away from me you stupid wizard!  
  
Harry casts a sleeping spell on Logan.  
  
Scene 5: The Dream  
  
Goldmember: BREATHES....... BREATHES..... Logan! I am your fajah! BREATHES.......  
  
Wolverine: NOOOO- Wait! You're my what?  
  
Goldmember: Your fajah!  
  
Wolverine: Fa- fa- zah?  
  
Goldmember: FAJAH! Like the fajah. You know a da- dad.  
  
Wolverine: Oh! Oh! My father. FA- THER! Ok... NOOOOOO!  
  
Wolverine wakes up.  
  
Scene 6: Back On The Blackbird  
  
Wolverine: AHHH!  
  
Rogue: What's wrong?  
  
Gambit: Did Logan dream that Goldmember was his fajah?  
  
Rogue: His whaa?  
  
Gambit: His fajah! You know? Like the fajah.  
  
Rogue: Fa-Fa zah?  
  
Gambit: FAJAH! Like his da-dad!  
  
Rogue: Oh! His Father! FA-THER!  
  
Wolverine: Yeah, that was my dream.  
  
Beast: Another innerthoughtual stinsity about a father? Hmm. I'll have to research this...  
  
Wolverine: I thought you were dead.  
  
Psylocke: Nope, Harry Potter brought us back.  
  
Wolverine: Where is that stupid wizard?  
  
Psylocke: We don't know. He took us to the woods.  
  
Wolverine: Has Rogue seen the Blair Witch yet?  
  
Psylocke: Well, we heard someone singin' I'm gonna get cha good....  
  
Wolverine: Isn't that Shania Twain's new song?  
  
Psylocke: Yeah...  
  
Wolverine: OH NO!  
  
TO BE CONTINUED......... 


	3. How 'Bout Pizza? Part II

How 'Bout... Pizza? Part II  
  
Scene 7: The Woods  
  
Wolverine: Ok, so let me get this straight... Harry Potter took us to a forest right before we were going to get food that I have been waiting two days for, and then to top it off, he made Beast and Psylocke come back to life?  
  
Cyclops: Yeah, that's the way it went.  
  
Wolverine: I really hate Harry Potter.  
  
Cyclops: I know. You killed him when we were in line for hotdogs yesterday.  
  
Wolverine: You helped!  
  
Cyclops: Oh yeah...  
  
Shania Twain: (singing) I'm gonna getcha good!  
  
Wolverine: Oh no!  
  
Rogue: What was that?!  
  
Jean: I AM MARVEL GIRL!  
  
Rogue: We know!  
  
Psylocke: I AM PSYLOCKE!  
  
Beast: I AM BEAST!  
  
Wolverine: If they combine I'm gonna kill them.  
  
Beast, Jean, and Psylocke combine.  
  
All: WE ARE MAREASTLOCKE!  
  
Wolverine kills Mareastlocke.  
  
Wolverine: See?  
  
Cyclops: Ok, let's get out of the woods now.  
  
Rogue: Wait! What was that singing noise?  
  
Wolverine: I think it's-  
  
Rogue: The Blair Witch!  
  
Wolverine: No it isn't, Rogue! It's Shania Twain.  
  
Gambit: Remy wants to get out of the woods!  
  
Wolverine: So does Logan.  
  
Cyclops: Ok, let's go.  
  
Rogue: Yeah, hurry before Mareastlocke comes back.  
  
Mareastlocke comes back.  
  
Wolverine: Don't say anything anymore, Rogue!  
  
Cyclops: RUN!!!  
  
Mareastlocke: WE ARE MAREASTLOCKE!  
  
A camera appears in Rogue's hands. She runs with the other X-Men through the woods.  
  
Rogue: Hey, this is just like the Blair Witch project! Except next there's no stick figures...  
  
A stick figure appears.  
  
Wolverine: What is that!?  
  
Cyclops: A stick figure.  
  
Wolverine: I told you not to talk, Rogue!  
  
Rogue: Well at least Shania Twain hasn't found us!  
  
They run into Shania Twain. She is singing her new song.  
  
Shania Twain: I'm gonna getcha good!  
  
`Wolverine: Shut up Rogue!!!  
  
Rogue: Sorry!  
  
Cyclops: Move Shania, Mareastlocke is following us!!!  
  
Shania Twain: Ok run!  
  
They all run through the woods.  
  
Arnold Schwarzenegger: (holding out his hand) Come with me if you want to live.  
  
Rogue throws the camera down.  
  
Rogue: Where do you want us to go, the Millenium Falcon?  
  
Scene 8: The Millenium Falcon  
  
Han Solo is piloting the Millenium Falcon.  
  
Han: Get on the ship.  
  
Cyclops: The Millenium Falcon?  
  
Rogue: Your welcome.  
  
Wolverine: NO! I DON'T WANT TO GO! I WANT FOOD! NOW!  
  
Mareastlocke: (roars) ROAR!!!  
  
Wolverine: RUN!!!  
  
The X-Men get on Han's ship.  
  
Wolverine: Take us to pizza hut! I'm starving!  
  
Han: You probably don't want to go there. The chances Harry Potter is there playing Quidditch is 200,000,000 to 1.  
  
Wolverine: Never tell me the odds!  
  
Han: That's my line!  
  
Wolverine: Then why did I just say it?  
  
Han: Well it was my line back in the movie. I think I said that in The Empire Strikes Back.  
  
Wolverine: Just get us to pizza hut! We have to kill Harry Potter anyway.  
  
Scene 9: Back to Pizza Hut  
  
They get to pizza hut. The X-Men get out. Harry Potter is nowhere to be found. Pizza Hut is closed. The Blackbird is missing.  
  
Cyclops: Dude, where's the Blackbird?  
  
Gambit: Where's the Blackbird, dude?  
  
Cyclops: Dude, where's the Blackbird.  
  
Gambit: Where's the Blackbird, dude?  
  
Rogue: Ok, stop it.  
  
Mareastlocke: (roars) ROAR!!!  
  
Wolverine: NO!!!!!!  
  
Rogue: How did they get here?  
  
Mareastlocke: WE ARE MAREASTNIGHTLOCKE!  
  
Gambit: Who?  
  
Rogue: They said something about Night. Maybe they picked up Kurt and teleported here!  
  
Cyclops: RUN!!!  
  
The Millenium Falcon hovers inches from the ground. Han is standing on the edge of the boarding ramp.  
  
Han: You runnin' again?  
  
Wolverine: That was my line.  
  
Han laughs. Wolverine kills him.  
  
Wolverine: I am SO hungry!  
  
Mareastnightlocke: ROAR.  
  
Wolverine kills Mareastnightlocke. He starts a fire. He eats Mareastnightlocke.  
  
Wolverine: I ate the liver with a side of onions... (he makes the Hannibal Lector sucking noise)  
  
Rogue: I think Wolverine's about to go crazy!  
  
Wolverine goes crazy.  
  
TO BE CONTINUED... again.... 


End file.
